On being Glam and Glamorous

Or in wiser words, I still have scars unattended.

Hello guys👋

So I’ve noticed that my blogging has been, mhm, errr, let’s not call me out too loud, inconsistent. Unserious. Lacking something, whatever.

I’m working on me.

But today’s post 📯, was an idea that came to me, while I was in the toilet – washing my hands.

You see, as I’m washing my oily hands, after downing three balls of Amala –

in my defense, they weren’t that big

my reflection hits me and I’m like, “fuck, I’m fucked.”

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We go about, acting like we’re okay, while deep down, which is really not that deep, we still have evidence of pain.

And although, it’s not a bad thing, the reminder, that you came from something…

…what matters is your take on the reminders.

Define where you are going with intension.

Starting blogging for me was a means to an end, I knew I needed checking up on, but I also knew I wouldn’t give room for anyone. But I need to be well.

I wrote down 5 signs that go against my past, for this post, I’ll be sharing three:

1• You are no longer letting go of things you should give attention to. We’ve all wished we had said something, a particular way at so and so time. You know…like Quick response.

The need to be sharp shooters when pushing back line crossers, is of immense importance, when glamorizing a life, we would feel safe living in.

I am now, making effort to be conscious, so I am aware of situations when they happen. And by situations I mean, •disrespect, when it’s aired.

•A pull down on my self esteem, when it’s shelved.

And just bad back talks.

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I am always on a defensive side and although I don’t always catch it–

I still go home and beat myself for not standing up for myself proper on some days

…still, I stand up for myself.

2• You are no longer scared of the dark. This might be just me, but my imaginations are more realistic in the dark but also in the dark, are my demons the strongest.

I battle myself a lot and I find comfort, all in the same breathe.

When you get familiar with your demons, like you are aware of their presence and aware of their intention to choke you and aware that they are aware that they are your weakness, it should give you a taste of the power.

I’m learning that whatever represent weakness, can be a representation of strength. And vice versa.

3• You choose to be alone but even in a crowd, you have your voice, still. I used to have and I still have, a shakey voice, especially around strangers. Confrontations, Introductions; they tear me up.

So I think finding my voice has got to be the hardest for me. I have ideas, I believe I am creative, intelligent, smart. I AM A SPEC

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but I don’t act like that, which brings me back to – choosing to be alone but even in a crowd you have your voice – I lack this. Confidence. Carriage. The awareness that me, being created, equals that I’m awesome. That I’m special.

My Mother tells me,

“Work on yourself.”

In Essence, make yourself Worthy.

Build on your value.

You have values, build on them.

My mother says,

“A woman should have carriage and courage.”

In Essence, no one will treat you then way you don’t treat yourself.

Did you get the point of the post? Let me know in the comment section below.