I had someone tell me once, I could not love anyone else until I learnt to love myself… I might as well wait forever. (Nayo Jones :HEALING’)
Truth can only do so much to help us in the long run.
I tell myself the truth almost everytime. Almost. And the reason is, I tend to fade away, like ease into a lie I’ve told so many times.
You know when a lie is being told so Well, it starts to sound like the truth?
And regrets eats at my soul, like poking a hole in my future, till it thins out and nothing remains to look forward to. It deflates.
Regret has held bond, my ability to build relationships. ((Regrets on things I had zero control over and regret on things, I had control of.))
With regret comes shame, we know that.
So, if we can’t shake off the excess reminders of those mistakes we made, there’s really no point in building anything, because regret keeps you looking over your shoulder. Regret keeps you stumbling back with every step you take.
If we can’t dust off whatever was done, by us or to us, the next step towards our end goal will just be there. We’ll just be there – walking and walking with no destination and a whole lotta drama.
Let me explain…
You see those situations that, present themselves in manners that come as a shock to us, our brains are built to defend us but our mouths and actions don’t always listen to our brains, so we become defensive.
A damage has been done, but our human nature – we fight extras, meaning we take a short journey too far.
Take me for example, like doh, building and being able to hold on to a relationship has been tough, like Chinese exam tough. I find myself unwilling to bend or compromise, but the thing is, I actually have nothing to lose if I let that person in.
But I’ve programmed myself into believing, that whoever comes will go. That I have a flaw that’s easily noticeable.
For 3 years straight, I told myself, I literally looked at myself in the mirror and, “you are not likeable,” and that stuck. Now, I see myself trapped in a basement with no ventilation, and I’m on my last thread of air.
I have carried on a shame that had nothing to do with me, now I’m in regret for how long I let it drag on. So, I’ve only built up more shame. More regret. More shame. Wider gap between me and the best relationships I could be having.
Relationships can not be built solid, if you carry a tag that says ‘RUN‘
No one wants extra luggage. And no one wants another sad storyteller.
It’s not easy, but we need, I need to let go and accept that…
Why Bother 